too bad you live with your parents still
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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