Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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