I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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