I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Even my vagina gasped.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
