how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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