the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
