nut hugger
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize