Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
