watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize