Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
