well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
