Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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