we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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