There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
