Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
