He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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