I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
