There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize