I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina is officially offended.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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