he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
