My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
