I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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