Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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