wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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