guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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