I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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