I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
