I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
