Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
