where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
