if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
