I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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