yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
