If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
