I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
