I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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