hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry about my life...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
