She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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