The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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