I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
