Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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