so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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