I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
