Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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