apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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