I want to make a zoo with you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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