Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
