I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
