my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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