i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
