im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
