If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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