3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize