4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
