So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
