Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Houston, we have a blender
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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