no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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