her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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