yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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