Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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