I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
