K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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