Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
