So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
