I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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