Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I look better un-naked...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
