she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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