the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
