I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
