I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
