I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
why do cheetos always look like penises
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
