they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
