omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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